I Couldn't Love Him More...

Hayden...What can I say about Hayden? For a child who on a daily basis makes me want to pull my graying hair out and yell like a banchy, he holds an enormous piece of my heart.
I hope he doesn't mind my sharing of this...
Last night, Bryan was called out on a service call and I was putting the kids to bed. I went into Hayden's room and said, "Good night, monkey- love ya". No reply- Is he asleep already? No. I turned on his lamp and saw my boy with tears in his eyes, desperately trying to hide them. When I asked what was wrong he just shook his head and said, "Nothing...really nothing, goodnight." Of course I couldn't leave things at that and besides, when my kids hurt, so do I. I begged him to say what was wrong and he finally said- this just kills me-, "Mom, time is going by too fast." Oh, Heaven help me.
You know, some days I go to bed wondering if I was a good mom that day. Did I show my kids love and understanding more than criticizing and demanding? On the busier days I think, Did I hug my kids today? Horrible thought. But, when your son tearfully tells you he is in no hurry to grow up and that he loves his life and the people who are in it, it renews my faith that I am not doing so bad with this thing called parenting.
I know exactly how Hayden feels- deeply. Sometimes when life is showing me a wonderful moment I let myself think things like, I'm going to really miss this someday, or will this ever happen again? I told Hayden this and gave him the advice I give myself almost every day: Enjoy every moment. Enjoy your memories. Most importantly, look forward to the many riches that surely will come your way. And then appreciate them.
After our talk I tucked him in and shut his door, then cried. A little sadness, but mostly happiness and extreme pride that God has given me a precious gift in my children and that I not only love them like any mother would, but that I appreciate the human beings that they are. Love you Hayden.